


You're So Cool

by Advocate_267



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Call-boy Val, Dialogue Heavy, Drugs, Flirting, Human AU, M/M, Nerd Vox, Pimp Lucifer, Romance, Swearing, True Romance AU, Violence, Vox is awkward af, more characters and tags to be added, takes place in the 90s, y'all know where this is going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:07:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29111280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Advocate_267/pseuds/Advocate_267
Summary: True Romance AU.A heated romance, a suitcase full of drugs and the Detroit Mafia. What the hell have Vox and Valentino got themselves into?
Relationships: Valentino & Vox (Hazbin Hotel), Valentino/Vox (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	You're So Cool

**Author's Note:**

> I know this AU would probably fit Radiodust better but I’m a sap for Staticmoth and this idea wouldn’t leave me alone. I’m planning on this being a oneshot collection as I don’t want to write out the entire movie, just certain scenes that interest me. Hope you enjoy :)

In a quiet dive bar in the middle of Detroit a tall, rather unremarkable man was sharing a drink with his attractive company. The man’s name was Vox, a childhood nickname that had stuck to the point he rarely revealed his given name anymore. His companion, Angel, a dolled-up man with bleach-blonde hair, listened with faux-interest as Vox rambled on. 

“In Jailhouse Rock he was everything rockabilly's about. I mean he _is_ rockabilly. Mean, surly, nasty, rude. In that movie he didn’t give a fuck about nothin’ except rockin’ and rollin’ and livin’ fast, dyin’ young and leaving a good looking corpse. You know?”

Angel took a drag of his cigarette, eyes flicking to Vox with a bored expression. The man seemed to be in a world of his own, staring at the bottles lining the bar shelf, a faraway, dreamy look on his face.

“I watch that hillbilly and I want to be him so bad. Elvis looked good, hell he was prettier than most women. I always said if given the chance I’d fuck Elvis.” 

Angel shrugged, a bemused smirk on his face. “I’d fuck Elvis.” 

“Really?” Vox took a swig of his drink, eyeing the man beside him with renewed interest. Angel chuckled.

“Well, when he was alive, not now.”

That set Vox off, the man giving a good-natured scoff. “Well I don’t blame you.” He set his glass down, turning to Angel and flashing his most charming smile. “So, we’d both fuck Elvis. It’s nice to meet people with common interests, ain’t it? But enough about The King, how about you?”

Angel tilted his head. “How about me what?”

“How about you go to the movies with me tonight?”

“Hmm, what are we going to see?” Angel scooted a little closer, blowing smoke in Vox’s face. It didn’t seem to bother the man, in fact he seemed to positively light up when revealing his plans.

“A Sonny Chiba triple feature. The Street Fighter, Return of the Street Fighter and Sister Street Fighter.” He punched the air excitedly while Angel just looked confused. 

“Who’s Sonny Chiba?” 

“ _Who’s Sonny Chiba?_ ” Vox couldn’t keep the disbelief out of his voice as he repeated Angel’s question. “He is, bar none, the _finest_ actor working in martial arts movies today.”

Angel levelled Vox with a similar air of disbelief. “You want to take me to a kung fu movie?”

Vox held up three fingers. “ _Three_ kung fu movies.”

He looked so hopeful, so excited, it almost pained Angel to shoot him down. Almost. Angel shook his head, stubbed his cigarette out on a nearby ashtray and rose from his stool. 

“I don’t think so, buddy. Not really my cup of tea.”

Vox lowered his gaze to the bartop, a tight grip on his glass as he fought to keep the disappointment off his face. “Yeah…alright.”

Angel took his leave, high heels clicking as he exited the bar. Vox watched him go, sighing as he downed the rest of his drink. 

* * *

Despite his lack of company Vox didn’t cancel his plans. He sat in the middle of the scarcely-crowded theatre, soda and popcorn in hand, watching the first of three action-packed movies. His attention briefly wandered about half an hour in when the door to the theatre opened however he paid it only a quick glance, going back to being absorbed in the movie. 

He jumped less than a minute later as popcorn was suddenly tipped all over him. 

“Look what happened! Oh, God, I’m so sorry!”

Vox whipped around, ready with some choice words for the clumsy bimbo but his curses died on his tongue. 

Standing behind him was the most stunning man he’d even laid eyes on. It was dark in the movie theatre but the man’s beauty was clear as day, from his luscious lilac-dyed hair, sharp cheek-bones and startling bright eyes. His outfit was just as lavish, a pure white fur coat over a flattering red suit. Vox was momentarily gobsmacked, unable to form any words as the man fussed over him. 

“It’s alright,” He finally got out, brushing the popcorn from his front. The man sat down, a look of pure mortification on his face. 

“Oh Jesus, I’m the clumsiest person in the world.” 

Vox gave a dismissive wave. “Don’t worry about it, accidents happen.” 

“What a wonderful philosophy.” He broke into a wide smile, showing off a mouth of perfectly white teeth. “Thanks for bein’ such a sweetheart, ‘cause ya could have been a real dick.”

Unable to think of anything to say that wouldn’t make him sound like an idiot Vox turned back to the screen, though it didn’t have his full attention now. He could hear the man shuffling behind him and the tell-tale scent of nicotine. Suddenly he felt a presence beside him and he snuck a cheeky glance sideways. The man was lent over the back of the seat, lit cigarette in hand, looking way too casual about invading Vox’s personal space. 

“You mind if I smoke?” He asked, an innocent lilt to his raspy voice. Vox shook his head numbly.

“No, not at all.” 

It was almost impossible to focus on the movie now. Vox’s heart was beating furiously and he prayed to whatever god was listening his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Listen,” the man tapped him on the shoulder, leaning in. “Do you mind filling me in on what I missed?” 

“N-no, no, um…” Vox stuttered as the man climbed over the seat, putting himself directly next to Vox. “See, uh, that guy up there, it’s Sonny Chiba.”

“The Oriental?” The man questioned, sliding his coat off. Vox nodded.

“Yeah, the one in black. He-” 

“You want a Goober?” A box of candy was offered to him. Vox politely declined. 

“In the beginning of the movie he was hired to get this guy-”

“You’ve got popcorn all over you,” A finely-manicured hand reached out and began dusting Vox’s lap, getting dangerously close to his crotch. He went ridged at the contact.

“Uh, thanks.”

“Isn’t he supposed to be a good guy?” The man asked yet another question once he pulled his hand away, not at all bothered by Vox’s apparent fumbling. 

“Well, he ain’t so much a good guy as he is just a bad motherfucker.” Vox answered after recovering from the unexpected touch. “I mean, he gets paid by people to fuck guys up, you know?” 

Their eyes met and the man gave a seductive grin, snuggling closer to Vox as the movie played on. 

* * *

Three movies later and the duo exited the theatre, chatting excitedly about the events they’d just witnessed. Vox felt on top of the world, riding high from the adrenalin the movie provided and his company. He had no idea why the attractive man, who’d finally introduced himself as Valentino, would spend time with him but he wasn’t complaining. 

“So, you came to see three kung fu movies?” Vox asked casually as they stepped onto the rather grotty street. Rain was pouring down, quickly drenching the pair. 

“Sure,” Valentino smirked, pulling his coat tighter around himself. “Why not?”

“Nothin’.” Vox averted his eyes, a shy little smile on his face. “Just, you’re a guy after my own heart.” 

The taller man giggled. “Do you know what time it is?” 

“It’s about twelve.” 

Val hummed, a playful glint in his eye. “I suppose you gotta get up early, huh?” 

“No, not particularly.” Vox replied. “How come?” 

A slim arm draped itself across his shoulders, the action making Vox the opposite of uncomfortable. Val got close so he was practically whispering in Vox’s ear. “It’s just after I see a movie I like to go get a piece of pie and talk about it. It’s sort of a little tradition I have. Do you like to get pie after you see a good movie?”

Vox readily agreed. “Yeah, I love to get pie after a movie.”

Val simpered. “Would you like to go get some pie with me?” 

The invitation had Vox’s insides fluttering. He chuckled, manoeuvring his hand to grip Val’s waist. “I’d love some pie.” 

* * *

They went to a local diner, one of Vox’s favourites. There, over the promised pie, he rambled about not just the movies but whatever came to mind. Val eagerly listened, piping up with his own input every once in a while. Truth be told he was growing fond of Vox’s voice, how passionate he got when talking about something he enjoyed, Elvis definitely being one of them.

“I mean, in that movie he didn’t give a fuck about nothin’ except rockin’ and rollin’, livin' fast, dyin’ young and leaving a good-looking corpse. But enough about The King, how about you?” 

Val quirked an eyebrow. “How about me what?” 

“Well, tell me about yourself.” Vox gestured with his fork to Val’s person. Val folded his hands on the table, leaning forward with a teasing smirk.

“What do you wanna know?” 

Vox began listing questions off the top of his head. “Well, for starters, what do you do? Where are you from? What’s your favourite colour? Who’s your favourite movie star? What kind of music do you like? What are your turn-ons, your turn-offs? And the big question, do you have a fella?” 

Val looked amused at the sheer amount of questions but decided to humour Vox anyway. “Okay, ask me again one by one.” 

“What do you do for a living?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Where are you from?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“I don’t know. Red?”

“Who’s your favourite movie star?” 

“Burt Reynolds.” 

“Uh, you want a bite of my pie?” 

“Yes I would.” 

Vox scooped a fork-full of the desert and held it out, Val eagerly taking it. He continued with his curious questioning as Val chewed.

“What kind of music do you like?”

“Phil Spector, girl group stuff, like He’s a Rebel.”

“What are your…” Vox scratched the back of his head, eyes flicking from side-to-side. “...Turn-ons.” 

Val put a hand to his cheek, fluttering his lashes as Vox began pouring copious amounts of sugar in his coffee to distract how awkward he felt. “A man who can appreciate the finer things in life, like sugar.” He barked a laugh as Vox blushed, hurriedly putting the sugar container down. “Elvis’s voice, kung fu, pie.” 

Vox took a shaky sip of his overly-sweet coffee. “Turn-offs?”

“Turn-offs? Hmm.” Val tapped a finger against the table. “Persians.”

“Pffft.” They shared a laugh before Vox dropped the last question, the one he was most anxious to receive an answer to. “Do you, uh, have a fella?”

Val’s toothy grin didn’t drop. “Ask me that one a little bit later.”

“Okay.” There was still one more thing Vox was curious about. “In a theatre full of empty seats, why did you sit by me?”

“‘Cause you looked like a nice guy.” Val said as if it was obvious. “So of course I had to dump my popcorn all over you. C'mon, I’ll get the check.” He fished a few bills from inside his coat pocket and tossed them on the table. “Where to next?” 

* * *

“Can I peek?” After leaving the diner Vox had led Val to his place of work. He didn’t want to give away the surprise just yet, so he made Val stand in the centre of the room with his eyes closed while he went to the light controls. 

“Don’t peek! Keep your eyes shut.” His fingers hovered over the switch. “Alright, I’m turning the lights on.” There was a buzz of static as the overhead lights flicked to life. “Okay, open ‘em!” 

Val’s eyes snapped open, the man greeted by shelves and shelves of comic books. “Oh, wow!” he exclaimed, looking around the expansive store. “What a swell place to work.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Vox said, a touch of pride in his voice. Internally it thrilled him that Val wasn’t immediately put off after finding out he worked in a comic book store, as had many of his previous endeavours. “I got the keys so I come in, read comics, play music, whenever I want.”

“You worked here a long time?” Val seemed genuinely interested, fingers skipping over a box of marvel comics. 

“Almost four years.”

Val whistled. “That is a long time.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s not so bad.” Vox came down from the control box, joining Val on the shop floor. “I’m pretty friendly with most of the customers so I just hang out, you know, bullshit, read comic books.” 

“You get paid a lot?”

“No.” Vox winced. “That’s, uh, where trouble comes into paradise. But the boss is a pretty nice guy and lets you borrow money from time to time.” He put his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels as Val turned that intense enticing gaze onto him. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You want to see what Spider Man #1 looks like?” 

Val couldn’t keep the fond smile off his face, nodding his head. Just when did this man get so adorable? “You bet.” 

Vox beamed, hurrying off to grab the specific comic. They went through a couple of Vox’s favourites. As he turned the pages Val watched over his shoulder, one again listening as Vox launched into a passionate tangent. 

“It’s got great stories, great characters, beautiful artwork. See,” He pointed to a panel. “In this one here, Nick, he’s got this ring for his sweetheart and he wears it around his neck on a chain. Later on in the story he gets in a fight with this Nazi bastard. This guy grabs a hold of the chain and the ring goes overboard.” 

Val’s mind slowly started to drift. His attention, previously on the pages Vox was gushing over, turns to Vox’s face. His words fade until Val is only focusing on the sound of his voice.

“Nicky, he dives into the ocean to get it.” Vox finally looks up, turning to Val with an awe-struck expression. “Isn’t that cool?”

Val doesn’t reply with a verbal answer. Unable to hold back anymore he leans in for a kiss, claiming Vox’s lips hungrily. Vox’s brain momentarily short-circuits, electricity shooting through his veins. He wastes no time kissing back, hands finding their way to Val’s hips, pulling him close as the comic he was previously holding dropped to the floor.

* * *

That kiss in the comic book shop rapidly escalated into more, the pair ending up naked on the bed in Vox’s tiny apartment. Vox was no virgin but it had been a long while since he’d had the company of another, making him slightly rusty in certain activities. Val however was an apparent expert, making Vox scream like he never had before. It was the early hours of the morning by the time they were both substantially drained, passing out together amongst the messy sheets. 

When Vox awoke hours later it was to a cold empty bed. He struggled up, disappointment settling stabbing his heart until he spotted the window open, curtain blowing wildly in the wind. Wrapping himself in a blanket he clambered out and onto the roof, relieved to find Val similarly-bundled up in his coat and blankets, smoking a cigarette. 

That relief melted into concern as he noticed the tear-steaks on Val’s face. Vox launched into panic mode, crowding close. “W-what is it? Are you crying?” He crotched where Val sat, putting his hand on his knee. “What’d I do? Did I do something?” 

Val sighed, gaze locked on the floor. “You didn’t do nothin’.”

“Then what is it?” Vox prodded, voice thick with concern. He swore Val looked almost ashamed. 

“I have something I gotta tell ya.” He took a long drag, exhaling the smoke slowly. “I didn’t just happen to be at that theatre. I was paid to be there.”

“Paid to be there?” Vox wasn’t following. “What are you, a theatre checker? You get paid to check up on the box-office girls, make sure they’re not ripping the place off?” 

“I’m not a theatre checker!” His cigarette was tossed over the roof. “I’m a call-boy.”

Vox’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “You’re a whore?”

“No, I’m a call boy, there’s a difference you know!” Val snapped, pushing Vox’s hand off and storming to the other side of the roof. He let out a shaky breath, unable to face Vox as he confessed. “Okay, here it goes. You know the place you took me last night, the place you work?”

“Heroes For Sale?”

“You got a boss, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, what’s her name?”

“Rosie.”

“That’s her! She called the place where I work and ordered a boy for you. She said she wanted you to get laid. Apparently you didn’t get out much and it was your birthday and all. She wanted me to act like I just showed up. Now, how did she know you were going to be at that theatre?” 

“I go to the movies every year on my birthday. In fact,” Vox had a sudden realisation. “She called me up this week to find out what my birthday movie was gonna be.”

“You’re not mad?” Val turned back around, approaching Vox. The man was oddly calm despite the news Val had just dropped. 

Vox chuckled, running a hand through his short hair. “No, man. I can’t tell ya, that was one of the best times I ever had. I knew something must be rotten in Denmark, there was no way you could like me that much. Stunning guy like you choosing a geek like me? Unheard of.”

“Stop being so fucking calm about all this!” Fresh tears began to fall from Val’ eyes as he threw his arms up in agitation. “Go look in your house! There’s a note on your TV and all it says is _Dear Vox_ because I couldn’t write anymore.” His expression crumpled, voice dipping low. “So I said Valentino come clean. Just tell him what’s what and if he tells you to go back to Lucifer and fuck yourself then go back to Lucifer and fuck yourself.”

“Lucifer?” Vox questioned. “What’s a Lucifer?”

“Please shut up I’m tryin’ to come clean! I’ve been a call-boy for exactly four days and you’re my third customer. I want you to know that I’m not damaged goods! I’m not what they call Florida trash! I’m a fuckin’ good person and when it comes to relationships I’m 100%...” He choked, looking Vox dead in the eye. “I’m 100%...monogamous.”

Vox reached out, gently wiping away Val’s tears with his thumb. “You stay with one guy?”

“Exactly. If I’m with you, then I’m with you. I don’t want anybody else.” He leaned into Vox’s touch, face a picture of seriousness. “Now I gotta tell you something else. When you said last night was one of the best times you ever had, did you mean physically?”

“Well yeah, but I’m talkin’ about the whole night.” Vox smiled, each memory from the last night playing on repeat in his brain. “I’ve never had so much fun with a partner as I have with you my whole life. It’s true. You like Elvis, you like Janis, you like kung fu movies, you like the Partridge Family.”

“Actually I don’t like the Partridge Family.” Val admitted with a laugh. “That was part of the act.” He shook himself, gazing out over the rooftops. “Vox...hell, I feel really goofy sayin’ this after only knowing you one night and me being a call-boy and all...but I think I love you.” 

The words hit Vox like a ten-ton lorry. “Wait a second.” Now it was his turn to get serious, a nervous waver to his voice. “Look, I’ve been tryin’ to keep this whole thing in perspective. You just said you loved me. Now, If I say I love you, just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may and you’re lying to me I’m gonna fuckin’ _die_.”

“I’m not lyin’ to you.” Val stated, determined and truthful as he reached out to take Vox’s hands. “And I swear from this moment forth I’ll never lie to you again.” 

The promise was sealed with a kiss, marking the start of their rock ‘n’ roll romance.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will be more lovey VoxVal as well as Vox vs Lucifer.


End file.
